All About Eve - a bumpy ride, 60 years later

"All About Eve" is a movie that is clearly not in my wheelhouse. The fact that I found myself watching it on Saturday and Sunday is a mystery within itself.

Well, that may be a lie. I am currently reading a book entitled "Vanity Fair's Tales of Hollywood: Rebels, Reds, and Graduates and the Wild Stories Behind the Making of 13 Iconic Films," of which "Eve" is one of.

Anyway, I was originally going to watch all 13 movies after I read each essay, but that won't happen because I'm not sophisticated enough to appreciate "Eve" because movies were a different beast back then. "Eve" had to feel like a Quentin Tarantino picture based on 1950s standards because the film is 99 percent dialogue-driven - snappy comebacks, well-placed lines, and supporting actors nailing their roles, no matter how big or small.

The movie stars Bette Davis as Margo and Anna Baxter as her femme fatale, Eve Harrington. Both shine in their roles (both received Best Actress nominations) and Eve does a masterful job buttering up Margo and then pulling the rug out from under her.

Although many consider this movie Davis' best film, there is A LOT of overacting on her part, whether its the lengthy sequence where we first meet Eve and her fake back-story and the dinner scene where Eve blackmails Margo's best friend, Kim Richards, played by Celeste Holm. Regardless, Davis more or less nails the part of entitled superstar coming to grips with her age.

This movie does nothing to get rid of the theory that all girls/women hate each other - even their friends. How in the world can Kim Richards betray Margo by siphoning the gas in her OWN car so that they can't make the train which lets Eve, who has magically become Margo's understudy, star that particular night?

And then, even though she gives Eve her big break, Kim does a 180 and decides to despise Eve for what she's done to Margo. WTF, ladies? My only complaint with Baxter's performance is that her voice is so over-the-top innocent at the beginning and she's way too nice. No one is unrealistically as "nice and helpful" as she was to Margo. That should've been a dead giveway of Eve Harrington's cruel intentions - something which Birdie was onto from the get-go, although she showed jealous tendencies as well.

Ladies, ladies, ladies - can't we all just get along? Why the backstabbing? Why the hatred? Why do you have to use Margo to get to the top, Eve? Why put the knife in your best friend, Kim? Why do you choose such terrible friends and hangers-on, Margo? Someone needs to go to the Vincent Chase school for Entourage Selection.

Let's touch on Eve for a second. Although I chided her over-the-top voice in the beginning, she does that to set up the climax, which was wonderfully shot. Baxter does a great job of voice inflection (COMM 210 buzzword! - I used to teach this class at Ball State, after all) throughout, using her vindictive voice to blackmail Kim, and then when her own obsessed fan shows up at the end, all of the sudden Eve has a raspy voice and some attitude issues, not unlike Margo.

Great supporting performances as well from George Sanders as gossip mongor - and eventually Eve paramour - Addison Stevens and Gary Merrill as Margo's boyfriend/fiance/husband Bill Simpson. And Marilyn Monroe is in the movie for a whole two minutes and I must say, she looks really, really hot in this movie.

Through the first 2/3 of this movie, I was not a fan as I wondered how this was considered a masterpiece. I'm trying not to hate on old movies - loved "Citizen Kane" and "Casablanca" and enjoyed "From Here to Eternity" while some others were a bit iffy. What "Eve" does is give us numerous opportunities to use it in pop culture moments. It's the Wally Pipp of the entertainment world. Whenever someone flips the switch like Eve did to Margo, an All About Eve reference is sure to follow.

By the end of the movie, I eventually warmed up to it. But it is very, very slow and you have to get through a lot of meandering since it's set up like a play. But once you get to the heart of the movie, you have a very interesting story of betrayal and hated amongst girlfriends. I wonder if every girl hates the other because of what happens in "Eve."

That's what I got out of it, anyway.

Movie Review: Adventureland

“Adventureland” is a lot like “Funny People” in this regard: Don’t think about the previews going into the movie.

For some reason, Adventureland was billed as a hijinx comedy set at the amusement park. It’s far from that. It’s a comedy in the same vein as “Almost Famous” is a laugh riot.

Sure, there are a handful of funny lines and parts where I laughed out loud, but this is much more of a drama than anything else – or the dreaded word “dramedy.”

This movie is set in 1987, but it’s certainly not a period piece. And while there are some complaints about that, the movie worked much better as NOT a stereotype of the ‘80s. If everyone had crimped hair (yes I know, Lisa P. did), tapered pants, shoulder-length sweatshirts and leggings, the movie probably wouldn’t have worked. Just look at “That ‘80s Show” which tried that premise and failed miserably.

That being said, this movie – directed by Greg Mottola of “Superbad” fame – is 1/3 part sad, 1/3 part happy and 1/3 retrospective. And all three parts make for a perfect recipe.

Say what you will about Kristen Stewart’s acting ability as the tart Em, but she’s got “it.” I wasn’t sure which side of the line I fell on when dealing with Stewart – since I refuse to watch “Twilight” because, um, I’m not a teenage girl – but I can see why people think she’s so captivating.

Look, you can make the argument that all she does is blink, put her head down, stare at you with those eyes and play with her hair a lot, but NO ONE DOES IT BETTER THAN SHE DOES! Also, her character has way more depth than any of the other ones – and yes, I know I fall in the minority on that opinion.

If there’s one character fault, it is that she is NEVER happy – we’ll delve into that later when we do the Em vs. Lisa P. breakdown.

The main character is James Brennan, played with great aplomb by Jessie Eisenberg. Eisenberg, in his first major leading role, plays a versatile smarty-pants – graduated from Oberlin College and is preparing for enter graduate school at Columbia University to study journalism.

(Tangent here: Getting a graduate degree to become a journalist? I approve!)

What Mottola does with this character is make him a mix of part-dork, part-sex machine. James has plenty of insecurities – confessing love less than two weeks into a relationship, for example – but at the same time still has a little bit of swagger to him.

While on one end screwing things up with Em, his make-out move on Lisa P. in the vehicle was the opposite of screwing things up. He has proven to be a smooth operator. It’s a good mix, and somewhat realistic in the sense at a lot of humans have a good mix of insecurity and confidence.

The movie also gets great performances from its supporting actors, mainly Martin Starr, Bill Hader, Kristin Wiig and Matt Bush as Frigo – the maestro of nut shots and self-made T-shirts.

Ryan Reynolds doesn’t bring much to the table as Mike, who is the repairman at Adventureland along with Em’s paramour. It’s a restrained role with not a lot to bring to the table, other than taking the girls he’s cheating on his wife with to his mother’s basement, if that counts for something. And it probably should.

The thing about Reynolds is that he’s usually great in these small roles. Say what you will about “Waiting…” but he was phenomenal in that movie as Monty. Just seems like he was underutilized here. Reynolds is one of my favorite actors; he made the movie “Buying the Cow” watchable. Heck, Reynolds made me freakin’ cry during “Definitely, Maybe”, a movie that I really enjoyed, but that’s for another time.

But at the heart of the movie is a story about growing up and finding yourself in the oddest of places – even if it’s at an amusement park. The most touching moment of the film occurs after James defends Em by punching a customer. Following that, they share an intimate moment that reminds the viewer there’s nothing quite like that first special moment with your significant other.

HEAD-TO-HEAD: EM vs. LISA P.

At the heart of this movie, however – and most important – is a discussion for the ages. On one end you have Em and the other, the sultry brunette, Lisa P.

In the words of Pardon the Interruption’s Tony Kornheiser, “WHO YA GOT!”

Here’s what’s upsets me about this movie. This movie MAKES you want to see the connection that Em and James are meant for each other.

They also turn this relationship into an “opposites attract” (cue Paula Abdul video with dancing cartoon cat) thing, while at the same time, pointing out their similarities.

To quote Dr. Tobais Funke, “Iroooooooooooooooony.”

She’s a huge slutbag, he’s still got his V-card. She’s rich, he’s poor. But she prefers to act destitute while James grows of being rich – hence heading to graduate school at Columbia. News flash James: journalists don’t make shit. But both are heading to NYC, so bam, instant connection right there.

Similarities: well, they both work in the Games department at the amusement park and like to smoke a lot of pot. That’s about it.

The movie portrays Lisa P. as air-headed, but it seems to me that James and Lisa P. are practically perfect for each other. Both live fairly clean lives and most important, both are still virgins.

Lisa P. is a very easy-going girl who knows she has a rockin’ body and loves to dance. On top of that, she doesn’t have a care in the world, kind of like James.

On the other than, Em is a one-hour television drama. Constant struggles at home, insecure, whiny, nailing married repairmen, and that’s just a beginning point.

Of course, James is a typical male. And you know what we want as quickly as possible without working hard for it?

Yup, the punani.

Men never change, we can’t help it. It’s just like we’re in high school again. And which one is giving it up more quickly? Yup, Em. So that’s why James leans that route.

Hey James, thanks for not doing your part to prove that males are upstanding men.

But here’s something James should’ve kept in mind: there is a 1000 percent chance Em already has a man that she’s hooking up with in NYC. Guaranteed. And James should’ve known that when he visits her at the end of the flick.

Hey James, good idea complicating your life by picking the girl with 1,000 different things going wrong in hers. Smart decision. Way to think it through.

Let’s see, James had more in common with Lisa P., she’s hotter and just a more fun person to be around.

In a related story, I’m macking on Lisa P. over Em without thinking twice.

No matter what Martin Starr says.

Movie review: The Hangover

During the course of this decade, there have been a handful of movies that have made men bond with each other just by quoting the same movie over and over.

Old School, Anchorman, Wedding Crashers, Goldmember, Superbad and Knocked Up are just a few that have made a presence in the lexicon of males all over the United States.

Let's take a few minutes and welcome the newest member to the fraternity: The Hangover.

There's a reason the buzz for this movie reached the apex it did, and it begins and ends with Zach Galifianakis, who plays unruly brother-in-law to be Alan. Apparently he's the only one that got to say all the funny lines because he delivers 95 percent of them in this movie. I would gladly recite them all for you here, but I won't.

Based on the previews, most people thought were thinking "Oh great, another bachelor party movie where we see males act like bumbling idiots and make dumb decisions." Well, we definitely see that, but not in the same vain as the recent straight-to-video "Bachelor Party 2."

It's different in that the groom (Justin Bartha) is barely a character in this movie. It's also different in that we don't actually see any of the bachelor party. Instead, we see Alan, Phil (Bradley Cooper) and Stu (Ed Helms) forced to piece together what happened that night after the groom goes missing.

This movie is all Galifianakis. Cooper and Helms have a few funny moments, but they more or less play straight man to Galifianakis' out-of-control character. Galifianakis has had a few chances for stardom before (he had a talk-show briefly on VH1), but has failed for various reasons (he was great in "Out Cold", a vastly underrated flick). But he shines here and is allowed to use his dry humor and wit - whether talking about baby Carlos, the Holocaust, the Jonas Brothers or Caesar's Palace - to show why he's been pegged to do great things for so long.

There are many other things everyone is talking about in this movie, including:
- the one-liners (which are incredible)
- the photos at the end (which are unbelievably hilarious)
- Mike Tyson's cameo (pure gold)
- Ken Jeong as the Asian (or Korean, or Vietnamese) tough guy - "So long, gay boys!"

The Hangover is directed by the same man who did Old School, Todd Phillips. So it's no surprise that the similarities between the two are plenty, including an appearance by The Dan Band once again. They sing "Candy Shop" in this one. It's no "Total Eclipse of the Heart" but it's pretty good nonetheless.

If you're someone who claims to like comedy, you absolutely MUST see this. There's a reason this movie was No. 1 at the box office for two consecutive weeks and was No. 2 for another. If you've only seen the trailer, none of the funny parts of this movie are in that. I cannot stress that enough.

Go see it. Now.

In the meantime, I'm going to figure out how I can get my hair to look like Bradley Cooper's.

Movie reviews: Quick hitters, Part 2

Here is Part 2 of the movies I've recently watched.

Star Trek: Saw the movie IMAX-style. It was hard to tell if it was a real IMAX screen or not because I'm really not sure what the difference is.

The movie has been praised by most critics with fans, and with good reason. Because the movie was FREAKIN' AWESOME! I am not a Star Trek fan by any means, but this reboot was captivating throughout. I was a little unsure about Chris Pine playing the infamous Captain James T. Kirk, but he proved to be more than up to the task. Same with Zachary Quinto as Dr. Spock.

The movie starts out as a Cliffs Notes "origins" story, which highlights how Kirk and Spock got to where they were, including a surprisingly chilly scene in the beginning that won't be spoiled here.

This is somewhat of a spoiler: There is a time-travel component to the story, which gets very, very confusing at times. But Leonard Nimoy helps make the transition throughout, and Simon Pegg as Scottie was the best casting decision of them all.

From what everyone says, nearly all the other Star Trek movies were terrible. J.J. Abrams did right by this movie, and along with successfully rebooting the franchise, brought in a whole new generation of fans. Consider myself included.

Starship Troopers: My buddy Lush IM'd me about a month ago and asked if I had seen Starship Troopers. I, of course, said no and that it looked terrible. He insured me that it was a cult classic and demanded that I watch it.

Fair enough.

And it was terrible. It wasn't even one of those movies where it was so bad, it's good. Has there ever been a movie that's had so much bad acting? I don't know. I guess this movie made Denise Richards a star (along with Wild Things, obviously), but no one else got made one - Casper Van Diem, Jake Busey, none of them. And this movie more or less ended their careers, especially since Van Diem appeared in the subsequent movies.

Short synopsis: Killer bugs are taking over the world, kill a lot of humans. Humans end up defeating killer bugs.

I guess there's supposed to be some symbolism as well, with all the main characters electing to join the military. The military evidently was doing its part to brainwash these youths into believing that serving their country was their destiny - not unlike what occurred during World War II. Hooray Freedom bonds!

Fanboys: Fanboys is about a group of friends that are intent on stealing a copy of Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace a year before the movie was to be released in the theaters.

What's shocking about this movie is that it focuses more on friendship than anything else, or rather, the deterioration of one between the two main characters in the movie, Linus (Chris Marquette) and Eric (Sam Huntington). The two were best friends in high school, but in Eric's eyes, he grew up while the rest of their friends did not.

After the group proposes the idea of stealling Menace to Eric, he is reluctant. But an event (which I won't divulge here) sways him into going. From there on, it's a typical road trip movie (getting lost, an incident with Trekkies, vehicle breakdown, ending up in a rogue bar), but there is a pretty surprise end to it all.

Another odd thing about is the lack of actual talk about the Star Wars movies, which was probably done intentionally. The funniest part of the movie is right at the beginning, when two of the Fanboys argue about the greatness of Boba Fett. Besides an inpromptu quiz from a neighborhood tough they meet on the way there, that's about it for the Star Wars talk.

Also, cameos abound from Star Wars actors and actresses, and Danny McBride nearly steals the movie as a security guard at Skywalker Ranch. No one steals movies (Fanboys, Tropic Thunder, Pineapple Express) quite like McBride does.

Not as great as I was hoping for (which is probably why it had a delayed relase), but at the very least it is worth a watch.

Fired Up!: After watching Confessions of a Shopaholic and this one as well, I might be losing my man card. Now, I'm in the very,very small minority on this, but Fired Up! was hilarious (if you're going to rent it, be sure to get the unrated version).

This movie stars Eric Christian Olsen (Nick Brady) and Nick D'Agosto (Shawn Colfax) as two very good high school football players who decide to attend cheerleader camp for two reasons: the ladies, and to get out of a two-week football camp.

Typical hijinx ensue, but Olsen, as he does in nearly every other movie, does a great job playing the typical smartass. The back-and-forth between him and Shawn is what makes the movie, whether they're talking about other cheerleaders at the camp or Carly's boyfriend, Dr. Rick. Rick, played by David Walton, nearly steals the movie. His nicknames for Carly throughout the movie are also pretty funny too.

Take the movie for what it is: two high school kids who go to cheerleader camp and try to score with chicks. You don't have to pay attention to it while it's on, but you will if you're a fan of dumb one-liners that somehow make you giggle.

Movie Reviews: Quick hitters, Part 1

I have seen a bunch of movies recently, but just never wrote about them. Here are my quick hitters.

American Gangster: I am a sucker for gangster movies, so this opinion will be somewhat flawed. Critics more or less loved it - fans hated it.

I loved the movie. Although it runs long at 2.5 hours, it is captivating throughout. Denzel Washington does Denzel Washington things, and Russell Crowe does Russell Crowe things. The scenes were chilling, especially where the herion was being stashed in caskets of dead soldiers. Even though the scene had been well-talked about before its release, it was still intense. It was kind of weird seeing RZA in the movie because his Wu-Tang tattoo was very prominent throughout and it definitely distracts from the movie.

The criteria for the "Best Supporting Actress" category needs to be redone. While Ruby Dee was great in ONE scene, that should not be enough to earn a nomination. She was barely in the movie (14 minutes) and brought the heavy acting for about 1.

I don't say this too much, but Cuba Gooding, Jr. was really good as Nicky Barnes, good enough to make me watch the real-life doc about Barnes - Mr. Untouchable.

Regardless, the movie and documentary - HIGHLY recommend. A must watch.

Confessions Of A Shopaholic: Yup, I watched this movie by myself on a Saturday afternoon. Isla Fisher is at her best when she's being cute and spunky, which she does in this movie, but she was also kind of cheeky. The whole movie was cheeky in general to be honest.

As a writer, this movie was upsetting for a variety of reasons. Fisher's character, Rebecca, BS'd her way into a job at popular financial magazine in which any real financial writer would kill for. Then parlayed that into a job offer at her dream job at one of the top fashion magazines in the world. She only wrote ONE column for the mag and she's famous all of the sudden! That doesn't happen in real-life kids. Really? I don't think any financial magazine would really accept her for starters, let alone turn out to be really good at it.

I hate to be cynical, but that really ruined it for myself — along with the tacky storyline. What company in their right mind would "take a chance" on someone who admittedly lied in their interview and stumbled their way through it to begin with. The lack of unpreparedness would get her kicked out right away. Cheesy letter sent in the mail? Spare me. That never works...thanks movies for ruining lives.

Anyway, Isla Fisher is hot in this movie, so Confessions has that going for it. So at the very least, enjoy that. Seeing John Goodman and Joan Cusack playing her parents really made me feel old.

A Prairie Home Companion: I tried to watch this movie on two occasions. I feel asleep both times within the first 15 minutes. It wants to be "cute" but at the same time almost elitist. It's only the third movie I've ever watched that I stopped early because it was so bad; the others were Dan in Real Life and Miami Vice.

Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines: This was a movie I didn't particularly want to see, but I was very interested in seeing Terminator: Salvation, so I decided to get prepped by watching this.

It was better than I thought, but here was the biggest problem. The movie turned John Conner into a pussy. He's supposed to be the great leader of the revolution?? His mother PUT HIM THROUGH MILITARY TRAINING at a young age so he'd be ready to lead the resistance when Judgment Day occurred. And what do we see him doing throughout the movie? Nothing. Arnold and Kate Brewster (played by Claire Danes) do much of the heavy lifting. John Conner, this great leader who must always be protected, ran around and did nothing like the extra person in a porn scene. Very disappointing in that regard.

The Skynet story being pushed along some more also helped the movie. It was one of the highlights of Terminator 2 as well. There's something about making a Skynet reference that takes me back to my childhood for whatever reason. The actor who played Miles (Joe Morton), who died in T2, showed up in American Gangster and I immediately yelled "SKYNET" to no one in particular.

Final thought: Worth a watch. Ignore the pussification of John Conner.

TV review: Head Case

This, folks, is why Starz partners with Netflix for Instant Play.

I had never heard of this show until I saw it while scrolling through the Netflix Web site one lonely afternoon. I read the premise, sounded good enough for me and decided to watch a few episodes.

I was hooked immediately.

Those who know me know I'm obsessed with celebrity, and that's what this entire show is all about: celebrities who comes to see Dr. Elizabeth Goode to sort out their problems.

Goode is played by Alexandra Wentworth, probably best known as Anne — Peter's dubious ex-girlfriend ("I'VE BEEN CHEATING ON YOU") in "Office Space." Dr. Goode is undeniably insane, and that's what makes the show so great.

I've tried to recommend this show to every friend I talk to, but I came to the realization they just don't like celebrity quite like I do. A lot of the guest are B and C-listers (except for the great Jerry Seinfeld and a few others here and there) but the best part about this show is the writing. I love the storylines for the "issues" that the celebrities have as for why they visit Dr. Goode. They are so over-the-top, yet more likely than not rooted in some truth. My favorite celeb visit is definitely Jonathan Silverman and his wife. I feel like I was the only person who watched "The Single Guy" when it was on, and remember that Ernest Borgnine and Joey Slotnick were on the show. Sadly enough, I didn't even have to look it up.

But Wentworth plays the character with near-perfection. The only way to make the show work is to play Dr. Goode as bat-shit insane, which we have clearly seen with her relationship marriage with Jeremy Burger — GoodeBurger!

I like the supporting cast too with Lola and Dr. Myron Finklestein. I hadn't seen Steve Landesberg since Barney Miller waaaaay back when and then he shows up out of nowhere in Knocked Up and is now on this show. God bless him.

Final tally: if you are obsessed with celebrities, and you like smart writing, this is the perfect show for you. It will not be coming off my Netflix Instant Play for quite awhile.